Hello Dear.

Dear Blog,

Sorry I don't write to you that frequently anymore. To be honest, I've drifted from you because I rather be with my Journal. It's not that I'm not having fun times and experiences to share with you, because God knows and you do too, how much I can talk and talk and talk…

There are a lot of reasons for this drifting away and shifting to my Journal. I finished my first Journal only 2 weeks ago (seems like ages ago), and it was so exciting. I moved on from the Leopard and the Blue to the view of Table Mountain and the Red.

I'll admit it; I used you. I wrote to you frequently to share of my learning experiences, but always as a way of not forgetting what I'm experiencing and what I'm learning. Besides the weather and the people moving in and out of my life constantly, I have changed…Don't get me wrong, I'm still learning a lot, but what I'm learning and how I'm learning these new lessons are so different these days.

It's so personal…not to say that what I was learning last quarter wasn't personal, but these lessons are personal in ways i can't even fully describe to myself or to others, in ways that I'm still trying to figure out. I'm learning things that are so personal to me that I wouldn't be comfortable to share it with you. These are learning lessons that are so incredibly personal to my belief system, my socialization, my challenges…

It's too personal…to share with you. For with different events happening here and on your side of the virtual world, I am learning lessons about relationships and how I fit into those relationships. Simply I can't share it with you because in a way, it involves you. I rather go one-on-one because things get inevitably lost in translation, in text. You well know what I am talking about. I rather talk to you personally, in a space that no one can hear. I rather talk to you on the phone (thank goodness Skype is unlimited in my phone calls to the virtual world). Skype allows me to connect to the virtual world. That side of the world doesn't seem so virtual when I can connect with it. Internet's been down, but thankfully, it's given me opportunities to be more interactive with my actual world.

Like I said earlier, I'm learning about relationships, people, and how I fit into this crazy world wide web of networks.

But even with Skype, sometimes it's just better to write to Journal…I'm sorry to say, but she's more real that you'll ever be. Recycled and blank, she's had her share of learning experiences for her young age but is still open to learning more. Her old pages show color and record stories, but her future pages are bright, curious, and full of wonder in its endless possibilities. I can write to an audience of one and fully express every single indescribable thought that crosses my mind.

I'll still write to you, though my future letters may not seem as deep or thoughtful as before (those words have been given to her or through the times I've connected one-on-one with you on Skype). I'll try though, on here. If you know me well enough, you know that I'm good at staying in touch with the world…probably more so now than ever.

I will tell you this--though I've drifted and shifted, I've been uplifted in ways that I am still trying to articulate to my actual world. Words found my way to you, and my seeming silence has ironically found my way back to you.

With love always,
Racquel Enad