Oh, hey, Baby?

Current Facebook status: "when did my 4-year plan become my 9-month plan..."

Currently, there are 3 people who "like" it and 5 comments, one comment being mine. I needed to clarify to someone that I am not in fact pregnant. The comments following mine are my friends teasing me that I'm pregnant, asking if the expected is to be a boy or girl. Ignorant and naive as it might sound, I honestly did not even put the two together: 9-month and pregnancy. It’s a legitimate conclusion. Today, actually I went to my childhood best friend’s baby shower. Several of my childhood friends have babies already. We are in that decade of marriage and children, believe it or not. But I digress. I was simply talking about my senior year of college, which just happens to be 9-months long. 

9 months left of college…9 months. Wait, what? How? WHEN? That’s like a baby in the making, literally.

Lately, I have done a lot of thinking about “Real Life” shiz, aka post-grad plans. And I’m not the only one. Everyone and their moms (literally) talks about it.  I’ve been in California for a little bit over a month, and have had the opportunities to catch-up with family, family friends, friends, and old friends I haven’t seen in years. I can’t recall a single conversation that didn’t bring up the topic of what I plan (rather, hope) to do after graduation. And if the person I was talking to was also a college senior, we would proceed to talk about how we couldn’t believe that we were talking about this already. Words like crazy, scary, insane, ridiculous, unsure, and exciting were used.

It’s kind of like being pregnant, not that I would know, but it seems like the dialogue could run in the same vein. It’s “crazy” to think about having a kid because weren’t we just kids yesterday? It’s “crazy” to think about what we’ll be doing after college because didn't we just begin yesterday? It’s “scary” to think about raising a kid in this chaotic world, not to mention the parental fears of harmful biological development. It’s “scary” to think about post-grad plans because we have to think of expenses, relationships, living situations, finding jobs in this recession, and that application process that brings us nightmarish memories from the last time we held senior status…

But in all, it’s “exciting” right?

To think of the opportunities, the possibilities of what you could be doing; of where you’ll be; of what your friends will be doing and where they’ll be…but more than the “what” and “where” is the “how,” the process of how we will end up doing what, where.

How.

An aside, well kinda.

2 random facts about myself:

1.     I can’t wait to be pregnant (well, I can; five years at minimum). When I say this, people tend to freak out, or wonder why. They say I’ll feel like crap and that I’ll get stretch marks; but that doesn’t even really cross my mind. I can’t wait to physically be pregnant. Like to think that a human being is growing and developing in my stomach seems to be truly beautiful and wonderful. I’ll take the monthly period, the 9-months of pregnancy, and the couple hours of terrible pain during labor and delivery for the irreplaceable feeling.

2.     People at Stanford hate winter quarter. They say it’s the “worst” quarter because it is the most academically demanding, when most of the summer internship and grants applications are due, and “the weather sucks.” In all honesty though, it’s my favorite quarter at Stanford. The reasons of why it is the “worst” is pretty accurate, but at the same time, it’s the quarter that I discovered the most about myself and the people around me in a different way. You learn about how long someone spent on an application, how stressed (s)he is about his/her interviews, and how little sleep they’ve had in the last 3 weeks. In turn, you share your similar, pathetic story of the multiple applications for the summer internships, or that grant proposal you’re writing. During these conversations though, I learn the most about my friends’ passions and interests, what they want to do, and what career direction they want to take. Because really, people would not waste hours working on something they didn’t want or truly care about (or at least I would hope so.)

So back to the How…

This whole process of supposedly “figuring out Real Life” is in my opinion, the best part. It can be terrible and stressful at times, but in all, it’s exciting…it’s more than that actually…it brings life; it breathes life into us; it has the potential to breathe life into those around us.

(--even at times when you think you’re dying as you study for that one test that stands between you and grad school, or life is being sucked out of you as work on yet another application essay)

With each experience comes the potential for a better understanding of who you are, who you are becoming, who you want to be, and who you can be.

Seriously exciting stuff, eh?

The reigning question in the air of what we’re going to do next, will be an answer that is simultaneously fuzzy and crystal clear…but that’s fine. (I think it’ll be a question that I ask throughout my entire life.)

It's your baby, and you have the rest of your fake-and-real life to let it grow and develop. Yours. And in the end, if you let it be what it can be, you’ll always think it’s beautiful, even if everyone thinks it’s ugly as… :)

Oh, hey Real Life.

Oh, hey Baby.

Note: I still got a lot of growing up to do.

and it's beyond exciting. 

Homies

So it's been a little over a month (5 weeks to be exact) since I've been back from Cape Town, and it's crazy how much I've "settled" into being home, arguably speaking, since half of my time "home" has been outside of Merced. They say that home is where the heart is, and in a way, my heart has been everywhere I've been this summer.

Cape Town was home in a way that I don't need to describe here.
but being a month out of Cape Town, I've found ways (and other places) to be home...

August...
6-8th: LA and San Diego with childhood best friend Amanda Morris. While there, we also saw my brother Josh, my "lover" John, and my "princesa" Jessa.
20-21st: Stanford to visit and catch up with some of my closest Stanford friends. Was able to meet up and have great conversations/catch-up sessions.
22nd: Rock the Bells with my sister Kat and my brother Tim
23rd: SF with my sister to visit my cousin Christy. Was also able to meet with my friend Seigi, who I haven't seen in years.
27-29th: Las Vegas with my sister Kat and my cousins Jonah, Therese, and Lindsay

and in between that, I've been in Merced (for the most part), getting the chance to see and catch up with old friends (especially childhood, elementary school friends). At times I don't feel like hanging out with other people, I still live in a full house--Tim, Kat, my parents, and now, one of my cousins Jay, are at my home with me.

I've been blessed in getting to travel with loved ones and/or to see loved ones. I agree that "Home is where the heart is," and I've been blessed in being able to make everywhere I've been this summer "home" in a special, weird way.

I love home.

no more questions, please

the countdown begins.

when do you leave Cape Town?

10 days.
yes, 10 days. my friends tells me to stop counting, but is it possible?
everyday i have to look at what the date is, and automatically, without even trying, i know the amount of days i have left remaining in Cape Town. it's inescapable, because once i remember, that means i know. forgetting time is great, but once i remember the time;  i just started counting again. so really, i can't help it. and believe me when i say it, i just can't help it.

everyday i'm reminded of my leaving South Africa. so many raised eyes with so many open-ended questions asking me to be open with my answers.

what do you think of South Africa? how do you find Cape Town? do you think you'll come back? do you miss home? will you miss it here? how do you feel?

love it. great. definitely. of course. no doubt. mixed. --- those are my short-answers, and in that order.

i hate those kind of questions. don't get me wrong; i ask those same questions from time-to-time. they're the inevitable questions that are asked upon circumstances such as these, leaving a temporary "home" only to return to the mainland from which you came.

they're open-ended questions, but are they really? i get the feeling that people expect a simple, easy answer to a complex, compacted question. there's an unwritten script i'm expected to follow. no more and no less. but i rather answer their questions by posing my own:

where do i even begin? how do i even begin? do you even really care to know what i mean by saying that i "love it" or that "it's awesome"? what else do you expect me to say?

and then there's the questions i ask myself in passing times as these:
how do i make the most of my day? what should i do? where should i go? will this be my last time being [insert name of place here]? should i spend this money? do i even have the money? should i say bye now? will i be able to do this again?

i hate those kind of questions. because i feel like so much of what i do (or contemplate doing) has to be carefully weighed. i'm trying to make the most of my time, but in the process, do i waste time?

the questions mentioned already don't bother me as much as
those questions that will be asked when i return to sunny California:
how was South Africa? what did you do? how was the World Cup? do you miss it? how do you like being back? do you think you'll go back?

for these questions, i really worry about where and how i'll begin. i'm still trying to find the right way to describe it to myself, how much more to someone else? i worry that i'll simplify my answer to the so-called "open-ended questions" with short answers. "absolutely amazing."

i fear what is called the "chameleon effect." i won't go into detail what it means, but in this context, i fear that i won't really be understood when i get back from "being abroad."

part of me wants to be asked what is meant behind that short answer "absolutely amazing," yet there's a part of me that doesn't want to explain everything behind it. there's so much i can say….

they say that "a picture tells a thousand words" and i've taken hundreds upon hundreds of pictures. on top of that, i've written pages and pages in my journal entries. additionally, i wrote multiple essays and posted blogs. beyond the pictures and the texts, i have memories. stored memories, unforgettable and unable to capture through photos or written words. not even just written words, but spoken words…

why am i sharing this with you? no more questions, please. i don't know. maybe you're hoping for some cheesy statement or some witty pun, but i got nothing except these thoughts right
now.

now,
now.
that's all the kind of counting i'm doing these days.

so just let me be.

Where were you when...

the South Africa FIFA World Cup 2010 (arguably the best World Cup the planet has seen) was going on?

I was in South Africa.

The other day I randomly came across a book titled "Where were you when…?" and I stood there for a long time, going through each year since 1988, reading about the single event that marked the history of the year.

I feel blessed that I can say that I was here in South Africa, the place of the world's largest event that took place from June 11-July 11.

I stayed in Cape Town for other reasons than the World Cup, but it's not to say that a huge chunk of my life these last few weeks were structured around the greatest sports' tournament. Keeping up with the scores, the games, the upsets; reading the summary reviews, interviews, what/who to look for in this next match; what to do after work; where to go to watch the matches…

It's the day after the World Cup, and for the last few days it's been pressed in my mind the question of what would happen after it's over. It's a vague, extremely general question. The answer is complex and can't be really answered. But it is interesting to be here in this time, to physically be part of the experience that I can't help but ponder and ask myself this question. To be honest, I'm anxious, excited...emotional about the World Cup coming to a close.

The morning after Spain won their first ever World Cup title, I took some time to read a few articles about the World Cup, two of which I want to share…

1) The first is titled "South Africa titled with emptiness to fill." It talks about the sadness that South Africa will consequently have following the final match.  Being here since March, I could not help but feel sad and nostalgic as well. I, as the writer mentioned in his article, "dreaded" this time in a way. And last night, when Spain won, and all was said and done, i looked around thinking, "Wow, I'm going to seriously miss this…" I'll miss the atmosphere, the random vuvuzelas, the waving flags, the cheers, the nationalism, the conversations with people from all over the world about the recent matches and who's supporting who…I'll miss it a lot, and it's so crazy to me to think that first the World Cup in Africa has closed its curtain--was it not just yesterday that we were excited about the games starting? I am not from South African, yet I definitely feel the quiet sadness in the air. I have a "football shaped hole" in my heart that no experience can ever replace.
http://soccernet.espn.go.com/world-cup/columns/story?id=807915&cc=3888&ver=global

2) The second article gives the high's and low's of the World Cup, according to Soccernet's finest writers. To be able to read their opinions and think "Oh yeah, that was awesome/crazy, etc" or "I remember that, it sucked, and I was pissed/sad/devastated, etc." But in addition to remembering that moment in a match, I am able to recall where I was when…Bradley scored that goal to tie the US with Slovenia or when Suárez hand-blocked that goal or…I read a lot of the writers' highs and lows of the tournament, and I have a clear image of where I was, who I was with, etc. If you didn't already know, I'm basically attached to my camera. I have taken hundreds of pictures and recorded many videos of crazy fanatic times that only come in moments of World Cup fever.
http://soccernet.espn.go.com/world-cup/columns/story?id=807390&cc=3888&ver=global

So as sad as I may be that the World Cup is over, I can also be extremely grateful for having been able to physically partake in the atmosphere, the energy, the vibrancy of South Africa (Africa's for that matter) when it hosted the best show in the world these last five weeks. Yes, I'll miss it, but thankfully, I can look back, smile, close my eyes, and if I want to, hear the vuvuzelas buzzing like music to my ears.

My high's and low's and where I was when...

High:

• Starting a dance party in a huge mass of people the middle of the Adderley street the night before the World Cup. There was a huge circle, and we all went in at least once. Every time someone went in, there was cheering and yelling. the best dancers were the ones from South Africa and Spain.
• South Africa scoring the first goal of the World Cup. Being in the packed FIFA FanFest Park in Cape Town. We went nuts. The following Fanwalk to the first match in Cape Town. Thousands of people running wild and cheering throughout the streets.
• When Landon Donovon scored the goal in the 92nd minute of the U.S. v Algeria game, meaning the U.S. would go on to the Round of 16. Watched this incredibly tense game in a bar in the middle of the city. It was packed full of Americans, and we all went crazy when Bradley scored.

Low:

• *France v. Uruguay match was uneventful and anti-climactic, after having done the first ever FanWalk and celebrating Bafana's first game just prior to the match
• *When the U.S. lost to Ghana. The game wasn't the best game the U.S. had played, and Ghana winning I considered to be another joyous victory. Yet, after the U.S. lost, I was pretty devastated. Sat on a table and didn't really talk for a while.
• *Ghana's lost to Uruguay in the quarter-finals. Was in the FIFA FanFest park among thousands of viewers, mostly South African. When the game ended, thousands walked out silently. Others stood there in silence of the shock was just happened. Devastating atmosphere.

In my mind and with my senses, I can re-create the atmosphere that was really once-in-a-lifetime for me. Though I may attend a World Cup match in the future (and I hope to God that I do), it will not be the same, because unless the World Cup is in the Philippines (and I doubt that will ever happen as virtually no one in the Philippines plays the sport), I will not have the same connection with the place. I love South Africa, as it has been my home for the last three and half months. Yes, I may have a football-shaped hole in my heart, but that's just because the season of constant football has passed. But even when I leave South Africa, I will leave a part of my heart here. At the same time though, I will bring the heart and spirit of South Africa with me back to the U.S. and wherever I go.

Words to describe the World Cup? unforgettable and incredible.
Words to describe being in South Africa? unfathomable and indescribable.

Where was I when….

the South Africa FIFA World Cup 2010 was going on?

I was home.

Open about my Happiness

7:03pmSteve
been reading your blog
seems like you are getting personal on your blog

7:05pmMe
lol
yeah TOO personal, which is why i wrote that last one
to say that the things i write about are almost too personal for the public eye

7:05pmSteve
i know and very emotional too

7:05pmMe
and that's why i rather call people lol

7:05pmSteve
hahahahaha

7:06pmMe
i journal a lot more...and i take my journal with me wherever i go.

7:06pmSteve
thats good

7:06pmMe
i already finished my first one almost three weeks ago..and i'm almost a fourth of the way done with my second journal.
it's really nice to be able to look back at what my thoughts were

7:07pmSteve
wow, a lot of pouring in your journal, huh?

7:07pmMe
and write about the funny things or write about the lessons i learn each day, from small lessons to big lessons
to things that people say or things that i randomly hear or see when i go places.

7:07pmSteve
thats good. mom says hi and she misses you a lot and cant wait till you get home

7:08pmMe
yeah..i've found that the more i take time to reflect on my days, the more i get out of my day
and i can honestly say that every day has so much more meaning

7:08pmSteve
wow

7:08pmMe
and i appreciate everything that happens...and i'm so appreciative of even the smallest things

7:08pmSteve
you are getting old sweetie

7:08pmMe
i think that's why i've been soo happy here.

7:08pmSteve
thats good

7:09pmMe
getting old but still feeling young ;)

7:09pmSteve
do the same thing wherever you are and you will have a happy and fulfilling life

7:09pmMe
like the Bible verse in Philippians..
"i have learned the secret of being happy at any time, in any circumstance."
and really--as corny as it sounds, i' have so much joy and feel like i learn so much here.

not even just here in cape town
it just happens to be that i had the time to learn this kind of lesson..

7:10pmSteve
wow, so the trip to south africa uncovered the secret of how to be content

7:10pmMe
but i know it'll be something that i make sure i take time to do when i go back to the US
everyone knows the secret of how to be content.
it's more of taking the time to appreciate everything that happens.

7:11pmSteve
in theory, but to practice is something different

7:11pmMe
finding novelty in every experience, in every person new and old, in every ride, in every conversation, etc.
i find joy and love in the constant discovery and rediscovery
:)
i'm so corny. and batit! (is that the right spelling?)
haha
but it's true

7:12pmSteve
whats batit?
well, we are glad for you sweetie

7:13pmMe
even in every challenge. it's great to look back at what i wrote from that day...and be reminded of what resulted..
and what i learned..
and why i think God did that in my life

7:13pmSteve
thats good

7:14pmMe
i've been journaling since i was little..and even today, i took the time to read a journal entry from that summer i spent at Stanford and hating chemistry
and not knowing why God put me through that

7:14pmSteve
really

7:14pmMe
i think i know one of the reasons now..(i figured this out a while ago but i don’t think i ever told you) lol

7:14pmSteve
what is that

7:15pmMe
because after that experience, i wanted nothing more than to make sure i NEVER EVER would do summer school again. lol

7:15pmSteve
hahahahahahaha

7:15pmMe
therefore, i would take heavier courseloads so that i could do something else over the summer
and LOOK--the philippines and south africa 2 consecutive summers :)
and LOOK - i didn't get that UNAIDS internship i wanted SOOO badly remember how devastated i was?

7:16pmSteve
thats true and both experiences have been rewarding

7:16pmMe
i kept saying that it was the "perfect internship" and i even volunteered to work for free lol
but i knew God had something else planned for me..

7:16pmSteve
i know, God knows what is best for you if you only trust

7:17pmMe
yeahh. i'm just so thankful
and God is teaching me so much

7:17pmSteve
you now are learning looking at things thru other perspective

7:18pmMe
lol that's true for everyone, at any time.
i'm just more aware of the "new" perspective if that makes sense.
every time we name our world, we give words and descriptions to the same thing.

7:18pmSteve
i know but sometimes we get so caught up with our very own perspective

7:18pmMe
it's just that we're using different words, and in doing that, we're actually re-defining who we are
we use different words to tell the same story. ultimately we are re-naming ourselves.

7:19pmSteve
thats true
so it is always good to listen and listen with an open mind

7:20pmMe
it's not that it's a different story; it's that we're a different person
YES :)
of course.

7:21pmMe
which is why i knew that "open happiness" was the perfect song for my south africa experience

7:21pmSteve
i am so glad for you sweetie

7:22pmMe
have you listened to that song before? or read the lyrics? i write about it on the right side of my blog...
thanks dad :) and thank you both for being so supportive of me staying here and being here..even without financial aid

7:22pmSteve
i read that one but i have never heard that song
...
you are very much welcome sweetie

7:23pmMe
if you click on my link on my blog, it'll take you to the YouTube video

7:23pmSteve
whatever we can do to support our kids, we gladly would do it
i see
i will do that sometime

7:24pmMe
:)
the song is about being open to new experiences with each new day
and being willing to experience and feel something new

7:24pmSteve
how appropriate

7:25pmMe
and learning that it's having that kind of mindset to being happy
thus the song is called "open happiness" although it's the coca-cola theme song. and it's first interpretation is primarily meant for being happy as a result of opening up a bottle of coca-cola
haha
BUT i like my interpretation better :)
AND...it's ALL OVER south africa's world cup advertisements.."open happiness" haha

7:26pmSteve
so even he bottle of coke can have profound meaning, wow

7:26pmMe
so it's literally a CONSTANT reminder which i love

7:27pmSteve
i should stock up of coke at home, lol

7:27pmMe
my friend sent me the song a day before i left stanford, and immediately it became my theme song for cape town
not just on the coke bottles...all the commericals and billboards and posters say "open happiness" haha

7:28pmSteve
well, it could be interpreted in so many ways, but i am glad your interpretation is deeper
...
and full of life application

Hello Dear.

Dear Blog,

Sorry I don't write to you that frequently anymore. To be honest, I've drifted from you because I rather be with my Journal. It's not that I'm not having fun times and experiences to share with you, because God knows and you do too, how much I can talk and talk and talk…

There are a lot of reasons for this drifting away and shifting to my Journal. I finished my first Journal only 2 weeks ago (seems like ages ago), and it was so exciting. I moved on from the Leopard and the Blue to the view of Table Mountain and the Red.

I'll admit it; I used you. I wrote to you frequently to share of my learning experiences, but always as a way of not forgetting what I'm experiencing and what I'm learning. Besides the weather and the people moving in and out of my life constantly, I have changed…Don't get me wrong, I'm still learning a lot, but what I'm learning and how I'm learning these new lessons are so different these days.

It's so personal…not to say that what I was learning last quarter wasn't personal, but these lessons are personal in ways i can't even fully describe to myself or to others, in ways that I'm still trying to figure out. I'm learning things that are so personal to me that I wouldn't be comfortable to share it with you. These are learning lessons that are so incredibly personal to my belief system, my socialization, my challenges…

It's too personal…to share with you. For with different events happening here and on your side of the virtual world, I am learning lessons about relationships and how I fit into those relationships. Simply I can't share it with you because in a way, it involves you. I rather go one-on-one because things get inevitably lost in translation, in text. You well know what I am talking about. I rather talk to you personally, in a space that no one can hear. I rather talk to you on the phone (thank goodness Skype is unlimited in my phone calls to the virtual world). Skype allows me to connect to the virtual world. That side of the world doesn't seem so virtual when I can connect with it. Internet's been down, but thankfully, it's given me opportunities to be more interactive with my actual world.

Like I said earlier, I'm learning about relationships, people, and how I fit into this crazy world wide web of networks.

But even with Skype, sometimes it's just better to write to Journal…I'm sorry to say, but she's more real that you'll ever be. Recycled and blank, she's had her share of learning experiences for her young age but is still open to learning more. Her old pages show color and record stories, but her future pages are bright, curious, and full of wonder in its endless possibilities. I can write to an audience of one and fully express every single indescribable thought that crosses my mind.

I'll still write to you, though my future letters may not seem as deep or thoughtful as before (those words have been given to her or through the times I've connected one-on-one with you on Skype). I'll try though, on here. If you know me well enough, you know that I'm good at staying in touch with the world…probably more so now than ever.

I will tell you this--though I've drifted and shifted, I've been uplifted in ways that I am still trying to articulate to my actual world. Words found my way to you, and my seeming silence has ironically found my way back to you.

With love always,
Racquel Enad

When life turns around and upside down

I'm moved into my "new" room for the summer. It's not really new though because it's the room that 3 of my friends lived in during spring quarter. It's only been 9 days since I finished junior year and 4 days since I moved into the room, but it seems like it's been forever. Things are pretty different, not a bad different, just simply different.

Lifestyles. No classes. "Work." Everyone doing their thang. Trying to find food. Cooking has become more of a possibility (attempt?). Watching TV (never watched TV before this). WORLD CUP. Weather's been progressively getting colder. New people moving in the house that I lived in during the quarter. Sitting in the living room. Free time.

It's an interesting transition, especially that it's taking place in essentially the same geographical place. It's one thing when you transition into the next chapter in a different place (i.e. different city, different dorm room/house, etc.), but it's another thing to do the transition in a place that's literally right next door to where you just were. It's even weirder when you see people moving in, living and hanging out in the place where you and your friends created so many memories.

It's a new chapter in my life, transitioning into my summer in Cape Town, even though where I am it's technically winter…

Feel it. It is HERE

It's been a LONG day, but a GREAT day. :) Sorry I've taken so long to write in here. Now that I'm officially done with schoolwork (woooo), I'll be able to write a lot more and catch up on what's been going on for me in South Africa these last few weeks. But just on today...

11:30am-2:30pm: Early afternoon, we walked to Beth Uriel (BU), a Christian home for guys from the streets. The weather was perfect for the walk. Two of my friends, Ken and Alexei, have been doing service-learning at BU this entire quarter and organized a Braai for the official release of their Makasi clothes brand. The food was really good (especially the sausage and chicken), and the guys taught me some of their dance moves afterward. A lot of fun.

4:30pm-6:30pm: Later that afternoon, Khai and I went to Grand Parade Sqaure for the "Cape Town Welcomes World Cup" Party. It was insane. We couldn't get inside the fan park because they had already reached maximum capacity (10,000, I think), so we walked around and still had an awesome time. Took pictures with decked out South African Bafana Bafana fans (and also the security!), danced and cheered with hundreds of other people gathered in the streets, and blew my vuvuzela (or at least tried to, it's hard!) :). I'm becoming obsessed with blowing that horn; it's so addicting.

Random, but at one point, the MC was calling out different South African suburbs and then started calling country names. When USA was finally said, Khai and I were the only ones cheering in the huge crowd, and everyone looked at us, and of course, I couldn't blow my horn that well and kept laughing. The atmosphere was crazy fun and energetic. I love just being there, among thousands of people all over the world, excited for an event as big as this. You know I took a lot of pictures!


Also, how random is it that standing next to the mayor of Cape Town, R-Kelly was there?! Apparently he's a really big deal in South Africa. He was going to perform later that night, but Khai and I had to rush to the Farewell dinner a couple blocks down. On the way to restaurant (the wrong way, by the way), we saw our bus with everyone from the program, and we just hopped/ran on.



6:30pm-10pm: Farewell dinner at an amazing Ethiopian Restaurant on Long Street. The entire dinner was great--the food, the company, the service, the laughs, the champagne, the place, etc. In the beginning part of the dinner, Claire shared with us a video slideshow she had made from some of our pictures. All the pictures just brought so many indescribably great moments from the very beginning to the end...I can't say enough how fast this quarter has gone. A lot of the pictures shown were taken in the beginning of the quarter during our different tours; I can't believe that was around nine weeks ago.

After the slideshow, Tim (the Program DIrector) talked and thanked us for coming to Cape Town. He re-capped on our quarter and said how much he values us. He's so awesome, and I feel so blessed that I got to work closely with him and get to know him these last few weeks. After his short speech, several gave appreciation speeches to our program staff members--Tim, Janice (service-learning coordinator), Brent (faculty in residence), Carol (admin), Jenny (andmin), and Sipho (driver). I gave a speech about Tim, who other than being the overall Program Director, was also my professor for Preparation to Community-Based Research, one of my favorite classes this quarter. Overall though, we honestly have the best staff that any person could ask for. They were extremely dedicated, kind, selfless, hard-working, etc., and they were huge parts of our entire experience in Cape Town. I'm so thankful for them and will miss them a ton.

The food was delicious, and we all ate with our hands. I liked how there weren't real tables because it definitely encouraged milling around and just chatting and hanging out. We spent a long time there, but I didn't really notice the time pass by. We have an awesome group of people, and though I didn't get close with every single person in the program; as a house, we became close. We're so comfortable with each other, have great chemistry, cooperative, responsible, and drama-free for the most part. They say that half the abroad experience depends on the people, and the people definitely made my quarter abroad as special as it was, and as sad as it is saying goodbye to my housemates. I'll miss living in this house, with these people a lot.


10pm-12am: A couple of us--Ken, Khai, Tim, Viria, Bridget, Craig, and I stayed in the city and joined in the World Cup festivities, this time to watch the concert. SO MUCH FUN, I can't even get over it. By the end of the night, my voice was nearly gone for all the vuvuzela-blowing, cheering, and screaming. Also, so much dancing, just what I love! We danced in the streets, and we, along with some girls we met, started a big dance party in our section of the crowd.  We became a large, and everyone was dancing, welcoming others ("make the circle bigger!" reference to a pop song about Africa welcoming the world and opening the dance circle), taking turns on the inside, grabbing partners, dragging people in, welcoming others, teaching new dance moves to each other, laughing, cheering for everyone who would dance in the middle, and of course, blowing vuvuzelas and waving flags. It was such an awesome feeling dancing, doing yo' thang, moving to the beat, feeling liberated and just not caring because everyone looks and is kinda acting ridiculous, and just being pumped for the World Cup -- and it's in this last thing that allows people from all over the world to get together in the middle of the street and just groove.

Cape Town, the mother city, welcomes the World Cup 2010.

Anyone here can definitely feel it (and hear it).

Hello World Cup 2010, and hello summer in Cape Town... :)

Indescribable

(I apologize in advance for the redundancy of words such as, amazing, beautiful, incredible, best...I can't think of any other words to accurately describe what happened)

This last weekend was amazing--I already had high expectations, but this surpassed anything I could have imagined. A group of 8 of us from the program went on the Garden Route with Collene (our awesome tour guide/friend) and her friend Michael, who drove us. The Garden Route is usually done over a couple weeks' time, but we only had three days, so our schedule was packed as we only got to do a portion of the Garden Route (there's an incredible amount to see and do). It was really fun having to rush from activity to activity; we were timed and would be walking/running in between and jumping in/out of the van.

On top of that, Collene had amazing stories to share in between, as her parents are mountaineers and she has been mountain-climbing since she was 3. Let's just say her stories are ridiculous. For example, she and her siblings while hiking with their father had to cross a "step over," a gap 6 feet wide over a hundred meters high. How did they get across? Her did lied down across and acted as a bridge. So crazy. Also, Collene knows a lot about the history of South Africa, so she would share interesting facts about places as we drove by. Lastly, being from South Africa, she knew where the best places to go, eat, and sleep where. Awesomeness of the trip goes in large to her planning and tour guiding skills.

Here's some of what went down this last weekend…
FRIDAY - the 21st
*Breakfast at Country Pumpkin in Barrydale, a beautiful country town in the mountains
*Cango Caves Adventure Tour - walked through beautiful caves (and saw some incredible stuff that I've only seen in movies), and crawled and climbed through 4 different tunnels. Of course, I fell while sliding down a rock, but being an expert at falling, I jumped right back up "I'm fine!" :) I have a battle knee scar.
*Ostrich Farm - we got to hug and feed ostriches! My favorite part was when we got to ride them. I was the first to go, and I had no idea what to expect. "Any last words?" "GO!" and the ostrich went, and I could not stop laughing. It was so fast.
*Had dinner at Blue Olive Restaurant in a town called "WIldnerness" - everyone's food was delicious. We definitely left satisfied.
*Stayed at the Tops. Our room was pretty cool. Had a kitchen and a balcony overlooking the beach.

SATURDAY - the 22nd
*Breakfast cooked by the owner of the Tops. The view was beautiful, and the home-cooked meal was great.
*Grocery shopping for that night's Braai (term they use for BBQ). It was such a rush, as we were going to make an unplanned stop to…
*Ginormous craft market - So many crafts and cool things to look at and buy. The weather was beautiful, and there was music playing in the background to make the atmosphere even more beautiful. A man put on Jack Johnson's "Better Together," and I looked around the scene, bright beautiful sun shining in my face…I felt like I was in a movie. I bought a colorful headband with a heart. Love it.
*Zip-lining across rivers! I've already gone ziplining before, but it was in a forest canopy. Here, we were going over rivers, and through smaller canyons, and the mountains were in the backdrop. So beautiful.
*Paul Sauer Bridge - we walked through the forest and walked over these 3 large bridges. Getting there was strange as we were scorching in the sun at one part, and upon entering the park where the bridge was, we were surrounded by a cloud-umbrella. So while we were on the bridges, we looked at the mountains and oceans, and there was a mist over it. It looked like it could be on a painting. We drove out of the cloud into the sun again, and we made our way to…
*Bloukrans Bridge to bungee jump! It's the world's highest bungee jump, and it was an amazing experience. I'll write more about this experience in a separate blog, but it was absolutely incredible, and probably some of the best moments of my life. It's an indescribable feeling, but I'll try to describe it the best I can when I write more about it.
*Cooking/preparing for the Braai - we arrived at our hostel in the middle of the forest in a town called "Wild Spirit" (I know, the towns we stayed in had really cool names)
*Braai - there was chicken with gravy, sausage, salad, baked potatoes, beans, bread…Mostly everyone helped in the cooking, but since I didn't, Joe and I cleaned all the dishes, pots, pans, etc.
*Epic conversations
--Joe (one of the professor's son who's 17 years old) and I washed the dishes together and had a heart-to-heart. He's a really cool kid, and I see him like a brother.
--As we left the kitchen, I overheard Michael (our driver) talking with this couple about religion. I've taken a huge interest in talking about religion, so I definitely wanted to listen in to this conversation. I went back, and thankfully, the wife named Mikhel invited me to sit and join them. Mikhel and her husband, Barack, are Jews from Israel, traveling through South Africa. She is extremely knowledgeable about her Jewish faith and the theology, and Michael is equally knowledgeable in Christianity AND also knows a lot about the Jewish faith. The dialogue would have seemed like an intense debate to the outside, but sitting there, listening and participating, it was definitely a dialogue. On both sides, the arguments were logical and well-thought out. It wasn't just like a "I believe this, and so it's true." It was definitely scholarly, and I really appreciated the tone and open atmosphere of the conversation. Flaws were being pointed out on both sides, but at the end, we all found common ground in our faiths and our seeking of the truth, and I wish I could articulate all of what was expressed that night. We didn't even really notice the time pass by. I was sitting there for two and a half hours! I was about to sleep but…
--Joe, Michael, and I decided to hang out at the bar. Michael bought us a couple of shots, and in between each one, there was a speech which became a rhyme. Our bar tender, Angus, was hilarious, and would hit this bell after each speech, signaling it was the time to drink. Before this, I was talking to this German guy named Norman. He was sitting on a bench facing darkness, and when I sat next to him, I saw that he wasn't facing darkness. He was facing this huge forest, and all these beautiful stars above it. He was telling me that since he only had one night at this place, he wanted to soak it all in before he had to leave in the next few hours.
--Eventually, it was just Joe, Angus, and me at the outside bar. We talked and watched the stars. Scanning the sky, we made wishes on shooting stars and watched this one star in particular move up into the sky in the few hours we were out there. Angus is probably one of the most hilarious guys I have ever met in my life, and said some of the craziest things I have ever heard in my life. He knows a lot about stars, but I don't know how much of it is actually true because he was really high off weed.
--We moved from the bench to this round table and just started randomly talking about life and hearing Angus's philosophy of life. Imagine the atmosphere: all the lights turned off to see the stars better, three candles shining, we're the only ones awake, a Rastafarian-looking guy sharing with us his stories and philosophy about life. He had some really deep, insightful things to say, and it was so cool to just listen and ask questions about his life. Angus was really interesting, and I wish I could record for you some of the stuff he was sharing with us. A lot of what he said related to my previous conversation about Judaism and Christianity.  Those two conversations were one of the main reasons my weekend will be unforgettable, and why that day is probably one of the days that will stick in my mind for the rest of my life.
--Got back to room at 5am and knocked out at 5:20am.

SUNDAY - 23rd
--I wake up and look out of it as I'm staring at nothing. Everyone thinks I'm just really tired, but actually I'm just thinking about everything that I talked about with Mikhel, Michael, Angus, and Joe a couple hours before. Such different people, but it was so incredible to me how they came to similar ways of understanding the world through very different means…
--Have breakfast at the hostel, and I'm not ready to leave the hostel. There's something special about the place, and funny thing is, several people (not in my group though) felt the same way.
--Plettenberg Bay - stop by a couple of beaches and sit in the sand.
--Elephant Park - we get to feed elephants! They're gentle giants, and I've decided I want one as a pet.
--Lunch at the Heads in Nysna. The food and view was beautiful. We were at the "head" of the Indian Ocean.
--Road trip home

The weekend was the best weekend of my life. Not just because of what I got to do, but also because of what I got to see. I have always heard that it was a beautiful drive, but I had no idea how beautiful the landscape and diverse the terrain was. Every couple miles, we would enter completely different terrain. We were blessed with having great weather. It was the unplanned little things that made the weekend so much better than I could have anticipated. For example, the rushing in between, the conversations I had, the things I heard, the fogginess of my jump and the gasp when free-falling 210 m (=689 feet) from a bridge…

This blog and the many pictures I took from that weekend only get at the surface. Not to mention that I changed my camera settings at the beginning of the trip, resulting in tiny pictures which I am/was kinda bummed about. But maybe it's doesn't matter anyway, because the pictures don't really show how amazing, beautiful, and incredible the overall experience was...

Pictures can't describe and show what all really happened in those three days, especially what happens inside...

it was, simply put, an indescribable weekend.

Rocks my world

So the last two weekends have been two of the best weekends of my entire life. From May 14th-May 16th, we had our Bing Weekend Trip. We went to Cederberg, which is a couple hours away. I honestly didn't know what to expect; I thought it was going to be kinda lame cause I've never really been into looking at rook art/cave paintings, but it was an awesome trip--it rocked. Corny, I know.

Saw beautiful landscapes, sat in a cave where modern-day humans sat in tens of thousands of years ago, bouldering, had the most gorgeous stargazing (I've never seen SO many stars in my entire life, and for the first time in person, I saw the Milky Way), drove the reserve, had lunch in resort randomly located in the middle of "nowhere" (literally, so random, we drove for 20 minutes off-road) etc. etc.

Other things happened….I had really really weird dreams that weekend, experienced mafia annoyance to the max, and got bitten by a mosquito on my eyelid (I didn't even know that was possible).

On a more serious note, I was pretty pensive throughout the weekend. I find it so interesting that we find so much fascination in learning about the past, in learning about what civilization was like hundreds of thousands of years ago. We find interest in it because it helps explain more of who we are today, how we came to who and what we are today. We study history because it tells a man about his-story, a woman her-story. We are somewhat egoistic, always looking for ways to understand more of who we are.

If I wasn’t on a guided tour trail, and I was just walking through Cederberg, I would not have noticed the significant red paintings of the elands, women, and hunters. I would have just walked right by, not knowing that they were even there. This makes me think of every-day life. How often do I walk by someone, not even noticing them? I just walk by a person, minding my business, stuck in my own thoughts. How much more interesting is a living, breathing human being than a red painting from centuries ago from people whose motives we can only guess? If we had the time to give attention to each person—to learn about their history, their way of seeing the world, their values, etc.—how much more would we appreciate that person, and all of humanity? I don’t just want to walk by a person and not notice them. Every person is so significant and is worth learning about. They have mysteries worth uncovering. We don’t really have to speculate; we can find out.

Everyone is like rock art, full of mystery and wonder, waiting to be discovered, 

and worth being fascinated upon.

--Sounds cheesy (because it totally is) but I think it's true. So I'm trying to do it...Rock a human; rock your world. :)

GAPA entry for 5/18

Tuesday, 18th May 2010

Today was the health club meeting. The previous week I had asked the grandmothers on the health club committee what it is they want out of the health club and what they would want to learn about in the workshops. I was trying to gauge an understanding of what the grandmothers thought about health and what they perceived as their health needs as being.

This talk was unexpected, as I was originally planned to have this talk on May 4th. Interestingly I had read in the Tim’s research class that a lot of the things people do in service-learning gets “put on the shelf” to be used later on, when the timing is better because uexpected things comes up. I thought that my facilitation questions would eventually be used, I just didn’t think it would be that soon.

When I arrived on Tuesday morning (5/11), I was told that I was given a time to talk at the health club committee. Vivienne translated for me, and I had her first ask what they would want to get out of the health club, and to explain to them how I wanted to choose a topic for me to teach about that would be applicable to them. I have the example of high blood pressure, since the results of the indemnity forms filled out the previous week had indicated many of the women suffer from this. The women began discussing, and I was really surprised when Vivienne told me they needed “spectacles.” Glasses? Woah, not expecting that. They started talking about how expensive they were, and fortunately one of the grandmothers knew of a place that was cheaper. I tried to shift the direction of the conversation—as the first things they were talking about were access to health services. I asked them to think of things that the health club could help them with, as we can’t provide those kind of services really. Fortunately, they started talking about their bones and aches. This matched another finding from the indemnity forms that many of the grandmothers were suffering from arthritis.

I explained that in the next week, I would teach them some stretches, give them health logs to fill out through the week if they would be interested, and surveys about how they felt before and after. Vivienne said they were “looking forward to it.”

“Twenty minutes.” Althea told me on Thursday (5/13) I had twenty minutes because keeping it short would be best to maintain the grandmothers’ interests. I wasn’t sure how to go about doing that…from what I proposed at the health club meeting, I would definitely need twenty minutes. I made an agenda, health log spreadsheet and a very tentative survey, but I was hoping to be able to discuss it with them instead. I did some a little bit of reading on how to exercise for arthritis, and I was hoping that Althea would be able to help me.

The night before the meeting, I started doing the reading for Janice’s Adult Education and Service-Learning class. I have to lead a discussion on the reading, and guess what the reading was about? How to educate South African women who are living in poverty. Wow.

Today (5/18), I came in and talked to Althea about the work I had done the previous night and my thoughts about what the workshop would be today. I showed her the log, and kind of already knowing the answer to my question based on what I had been learning in S-L (especially with the reading I had done the night before) and how things are at GAPA, I asked her if she thought the grandmothers would actually be encouraged to it. “No.” That’s fine; I really want to know what would(n’t) be helpful for the grandmothers.

Althea then begins to give me suggestions on how I can go about teaching the grandmothers. Have them provide examples of activities they do put strains on their bones, and then have them demonstrate it for the group. Use that as the example to teach all the basic joint-protection principles. Let them see how they can apply it to the activities they already do.

Brilliant. I absolutely love working with Althea. She knows how to do adult education, especially for the grandmothers. AND she is an occupational therapist. I was really excited for her to make these suggestions as some of the reading I had done the night before explains the marginalization of South African women in formal education, and they learn best through experiential learning, and through the experiences of their everyday realities.

I was extremely nervous. I didn’t know I would be so nervous—I have done a lot of public speaking events and have talked before larger crowds; I even list it as a skill on my CV. But I was extremely nervous. I think it was because outside of knowing that I am a “foreigner” and not understanding Xhosa, I did not know how to teach to a group whose education levels might be very different from each other’s. This might not even be true, but I wasn’t sure. Also, taking a Preparation to Community-Based Research class where we learn so much about including the community, being aware and culturally sensitive, etc. I become so aware of my “outside role” and trying to confront that by listening and being considerate, that I was just so unsure of how to go about teaching ways to decrease pains in joints to these group of women.

Thank goodness Althea was there in the meeting. She was great at elaborating on points that I said, being very animated and understanding, getting the grandmothers to participate, etc. I looked at the reactions of the grandmothers, and I could tell that they really understood what Althea was trying to teach them. Especially that she had used the example of washing clothes and getting one of the grandmothers to act out exactly how she would do it, it just made sense to the grandmothers. I mainly observed how Althea talked with them, and how the grandmothers responded.

I “taught” but in more ways, I was being taught by Althea how to teach the grandmothers. I told Althea at the end how helpful I thought she was to the grandmothers, and to me. She shared with me how hard it is to teach at first. They have information, but we have information too. She said the best way to teach them is for them to find the answers within themselves because they have information, and for us to find the right time to intervene and provide them with the information we have.

Brilliant. I love how everything I’m learning applies to other situations I find myself in at GAPA.

Photovoice: Khayelitsha and GAPA

Two Fridays ago (May 7), I did a walking tour and a photovoice project in Khayelitsha. Two of the grandmothers, Mama Susan and Mama Mase were kind enough to be my tour guides. I explained to them that I preferred if they took the pictures, and if they had anything they wanted to capture, to stop me and let me know. I also said to take pictures of anything they would want people from outside Khayelitsha to know about their community. I taught them how to use my digital camera; and together, we took many pictures. Not until finishing the picture-taking did I realize that many of the pictures we took that day were depictions of hope, activism, and self-help.

Oftentimes, in the world of higher-education, I have tended to focus on the problems and the needs. I have been constantly reminded in Tim’s and Janice’s classes to recognize the communities’ assets. In theory, this is easy, but I find it very difficult to apply in practice, especially when my main learning of townships have been from the outside, learning about the hardships and problems they face.

I learn the facts, the numbers, about the prevalence of this or that, what the government has not been adequate in addressing, etc. These are important to know; but I should not let these blind me from the things that people within Khayelitsha are already doing, how they are trying to help themselves, and how the best way to help them develop is to remove the hindrances that might prevent them from reaching their full potential...I took a lot of pictures that day, and behind many of the pictures are stories...I'll share with you a few...(unfortunately I can't all upload them on here because my internet connection isn't fast enough)

The "Should Loud, Change our Education System" painting stood out to me, as it made me think about Jonathan Clark’s talk from service-learning the Thursday before about post-apartheid education. Though he ended with a positive note, I could not help but feel almost pessimistic and helpless about the education system in South Africa. Thoughts like, there is so much that needs to be done, when will change happen, where do we even begin, crossed my mind. Seeing this however, reminded me that though there are communities that may have inadequate education, there are people from these communities who are advocating and fighting the disparities. They can recognize their barriers to development; they can articulate; they are not passive. I would be further reminded in my visit to Lwandle School of their fights for changing a system they feel might be inhibiting them from fully developing.

I was fortunate enough to meet some members of the administration and the faculty at Lwandle Primary School. The principal was so excited to share with me their school’s celebration that day, and the program they would be having later in the afternoon to thank some of their donors. I also visited a classroom, and immediately upon entering, Mama Susan became overwhelmed by all the children hugging her tightly. At GAPA, she takes care of them at the after-care, and I felt proud to be with someone who was a celebrity to these children. In her ways of showing love and care, she was helping these children’s development.

The grandmothers took me to a number of places, and I am thankful that they chose to take me to people who were working. I was even more excited to see the children of the men who sell smiley’s on the sidewalk (smiley's are sheep heads. They're really popular in Khayelitsha). The children reminded me of the other dimension of these men; they are also fathers, working for their children. There is a stereotype that people in townships are viewed as lazy and waiting for the government to give them something, but walking around, I was reminded of this passage from a CDRA reading:

 “…it is the act of people freeing themselves, choosing to take initiative and responsibility for change and then doing something about it, that is most important. Understood in this way, we can see that the process of development becomes the point of development itself.”

From the conversations I had with the GAPA grandmothers and the community members of Khayelitasha, I witnessed many who are choosing to take initiative and trying to free themselves. Learning more about the developmental process, I have begin to better understand my role as a developmental practitioner and the role of GAPA in the gradmothers’ lives, which is to help remove the outer and inner hindrances that can inhibit the grandmothers’ natural abilities to develop. The grandmothers, all of whom have lived through apartheid, have experienced many hardships, crises, and have learned from these experiences. We cannot disregard the enormous amount of knowledge and capacity they have from what they have learned through their experiences. “Not only is it respectful to work with what is already there, but it is just simple common sense."

This picture was one of my favorite from the day. It's Popeye, but his face is black. Khayelitsha and the people within have strengths and assets; we just have to take time to recognize them.

Rainy days

Winter is here in Cape Town, and it is freezing cold. Surprised? Yes, it gets cold, even in Africa. It's been raining the past few days, and according to my weekly weather forecast, it'll be raining nearly every day for the next few days. That's okay though. This is my heaviest "work" week, and the rain keeps me in and focused. I'm incredibly sleepy though, like all the time. I get more sleep here than I do at Stanford, AND i only have one class a day, not including my hours at GAPA, but why am I always so schleeeeepy.

Anyway, I wanted to share with you a video I made for GAPA yesterday. It was going to be a photovoice project, but coincidentally, Althea had been wanting to do a video slideshow-type thingy for a while. Sorry if the quality is not that good. I was experiencing technical difficulties...I wish I could share with you the story behind this video slideshow AND the stories behind the different pictures!...Eventually, I will explain, at one point, in some form or another...

Here's the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjjAecFoOxQ

AND I want to share you one of my new favorite quotes
"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Shuffle II: Stories behind some of the songs

Thursday, 4/29 - We had a whole-day workshop at the Community Development Resource Association (CDRA) for service-learning. We had interactive conversations and dialogue about development, the complexities, its existence, turning points in our lives, context, etc. I didn't even notice that 8-hours had passed by once the workshop was over. I don't think I've ever been so engaged. Seriously, I was writing so many notes and thinking thoughtfully about everything that James, one of the facilitators, way saying. It was extremely interesting and helpful, and I wish that every person could do that workshop. Doing the workshop showed me how much I've learned in my classes this quarter. For example, we had to give word associations to the word "development," and the first one that came to my mind is "misunderstanding." About how it's misunderstood by people who want to help, people who being helped, countries, etc. Ask me to do that word-association one month ago, and "misunderstanding" would definitely not be the first word that came to my mind.
Friday, 4/30 - In the morning, I met with Di Cooper in Mimi's cafe. Di Cooper is the Research Director of the Women's Health Unit at UCT's School of Public Health. She's brilliant and has done much in the field of sexual and reproductive health. We talked for a long time about HIV/AIDS, and she shared with me some the research her unit is doing right now. I wish the conversation could've lasted longer because she was teaching me so much about the HIV/AIDS epidemic in South Africa--the most current legislative measures, the most recent findings, and the newest research projects. She's so cool, and I wish she was teaching a class this quarter for us (because she might be teaching an HIV/AIDS class for the Stanford in Cape Town next year).

I went to GAPA for my second day of service-learning, and it was pretty awesome. More about it is in my GAPA blog entry for that day.

Last-minute decision, I decided to go to dinner at our tour guide Colleen's house. Viria, one of my friends in the Stanford program, is an amazing Thai cook, and she organized a dinner at Colleen's in Mitchell's Plain. When we got closer to her house, I felt like I was in Central Valley. Even Colleen's neighborhood looked like it could've been in Merced. I'm not going to lie--when I stepped into her house, I got a little homesick. It was so refreshing to be in a family's home, and it made me miss my family at home. Colleen's family and friends were amazing. Her husband Robert and her son Shannon were hilarious, and I laughed so much. Robert was making awkward jokes about Khai hitting on Colleen-it was great.

Saturday, 5/01- As I was getting ready in the bathroom...
Alexei: "What are you doing today?"
Me: "I don't know…i kinda just want to go on the train and see where I end up."
Alexei: "So…you don't know where you're going?"
Me: "Nope…not really…I don't have a destination. We'll see where I end up. I won't bring anything valuable with me."
I was so excited, you don't even know. I had been wanting to explore and just go somewhere without a destination for a while. I didn't have any expectations. Didn't know what I would do and who I would meet. I walked to the train station, and as I was walking, I asked God that he would keep me safe and that I would have a good, interesting day, regardless of where I was and what I ended up doing.

While trying to find out how and where to buy a ticket, I met a girl named Thandi. She helped me find my way to the ticket booth, and asked me where I was going. "I don't really know…i don't really have a destination. I just want to go somewhere. What do you suggest?" She suggested Fish Hoek, this nice place next to the coast. "Sounds good!" She was going to Mowbry. We had to wait for a while, and while talking I got to learn a lot about her. She's an Anthropology major at the University of Western Cape, and we spent a long time talking about school, studies, etc. Still talking when the train came, we got on together, and she asked me if I had been to the "Location," which is what they refer to as the townships. I told her I have but only on a tour, but that it was probably one of my favorite days. I had been wanting to go for a while, but it's definitely one of those places you have to know someone to go with. You can't just walk in one not knowing anyone. It's not the safest place. So you can imagine how excited I was when she invited me to go a birthday party in Gugulethu, one of the townships next to Mowbry.

First we went to a grocery store because she had to transfer some money. While in line, there were two men around my age in front of us talking about how everything that you see around came from men. They were being completely serious, and Thandi and I were pretty amused by the conversation. I couldn't help but cut in as he was asking his friend where his shirt comes from. "It all comes from men! Women might have sown it, but a man designed it!" "So where did you come from?…Did you come out of a man?…Cause I think you might've come out of a woman." Yeah it was kind of a dumb argument, but I was entertained by it all. After we walked away, Thandi explained to me that she thought he was Zulu or a Swathi (from Swaziland) because they are known to be much more paternalistic than Xhosa. This began a long conversation about the differences in perceptions and stereotypes among those three African tribes. Even before this conversation, Thandi and I were already talking about cultures and anthropology for a long time. Conversations between a human biology major and anthropology major make for some of the best conversations, ever.

Within the hour, I was in Gugulethu at the house of the birthday celebrant's house. The birthday boy named Iminathi, which translated to "God with us," was turning one year old. He had a string tied around his chest. Siphokazi explained me that it was for protection from the evil spirits. Witchcraft and traditional medicine are highly influential in African society. Thandi introduced me to a very "nice grannie" because I was telling her earlier how much more I admire grandmothers after starting to work at GAPA. She liked to be called "Old Lady." She was cute, sweet, and welcoming. We talked about her family and where she grew up. She really wants me to get married and said she would gladly come to my wedding. I told her she needed to find me a husband first. I spent time with her in her house for a while, and met some of the younger girls--Lisa, Siphokazi, and Ananthi--in the neighborhood. We talked about Beyoncé, High School Musical, Miley, and Justin Bieber. They were pretty adorable. I felt a little sad when I was leaving, they asked when I would be visiting again. Old Lady also asked when I would be visiting again, "Friday?" I told her them I would try to visit before I leave for California. Hopefully I'll get the chance again.

The birthday party was an extremely interesting experience. I wasn't treated like a guest really; most if not everyone treated me the same as any of the other women that were there. I really appreciated this actually. I noticed a lot of different things--some surprising, some not so-surprising. From sitting with the other young women in the room, to interacting with the one of the men of the household, to talking with "Old Lady," to having one of the toddlers think I was her mom, to sitting next and talking with a mom about her family and life, to walking to the neighborhood "shibang" (the local liquor store),  etc. etc. - I feel like I have a better understanding of the township life. I've always loved conversing with people, and I learned a lot from the different things I saw, heard from the people I met, and experienced. They were things I saw that sparked my curiosity even more, so much in fact after my Xhosa language on Wednesday (5/05), I stayed for an hour afterward and talked with my professor, asking questions about what I saw and how it relates to the cultures and beliefs of the Xhosas, Africans, or South Africans.

There are so many other things that I can write about it from my couple hours there, especially that I'm connecting it with some of the conversations I've had this week and the things I've learned this week. I'm learning so much, and it's really exciting. That Wednesday, at dinner, a couple of us had an intense conversation about cultures, differences, and ways of addressing the different needs. We considered the specific context of South Africa, but we talked about other countries as well. A lot of what i said came from what I've learned in my last few days, from the CDRA to talking with people in taxis. I'm learning an incredible amount, and it's really exciting.

On a less academic and learning note, on Saturday night, a couple of us girls went out to Stones to meet up with some guys that we met at the Waiting Room a couple weeks before. Though I can't put all the details of the events that unfolded that night, let's just say that some pretty ridiculous, funny, and akward things happened that night. ;)

Sunday, 5/02 - I went to Hillsong Church at the City Center today. The preacher talked about the month of May being the month for miracles. He encouraged the congregation to believe and have faith in God performing miracles in our lives in these next few weeks. It was pretty interesting, as I have never before heard a sermon about miracles preached in that way before. I was really happy to go to church--I miss that atmosphere of praise and fellowship.

After church, I walked to Waterfront, a very ritzy-bougie place on the pier. It was a beautiful day to be there. I met a Filipino (my first one here!) woman named Miriam and we talked for a long time about traveling and being Filipino. Randomly, I happened to see a concert for "Patriot's Day," which honored South African lawyers, physicians, business owners, etc. I watched men in ties hip-hop dance, and men dressed as hotel stewards sing jazz. It was sorta cheesy, but it was cute. After searching and walking around for a long time, I finally found a place that was affordable and suitable to do work--"Mug and Bean." My food was amazing, and my waiter was a cutie. I took a mini-bus taxi back to Obs, and I talked for a long time with the driver named Shafiek. We talked about his wife and children, and I stayed in his taxi while we bought bread for his family. He was really helpful; He was only supposed to take me to the main terminal, but he took me back all the way to my street for only R3.50!

Shuffle.

I don't think I've ever allowed anyone read a part of my writing journal (which I carry around with me everywhere here), but I wanted to include an excerpt of what I wrote on Friday because I think it captures so much of how I've felt these last few days. This entry is more a prayer; I addressed it to God, which I often do in my journal entries. So anyway, here's an exclusive look ;)

"Every day I learn something new, and I feel I'm working towards something wonderful You [God] have planned for me. I don't know what it is. It's something literally indescribable, because I can't describe something I literally don't know. I'm excited though. It can be frustrating and scary at times, but there's something exhilarating about going (just going) without a known destination. I know I'll end up somewhere--for me, that's enough. Because that somewhere is exactly is where you, God, want me to be."

It's hard for me to articulate all that I've been feeling and experiencing these past few days. I wish I could share everything that has happened around me and in me. With some of the things that have been happening, it's like my life has been on "shuffle" and as random as things have been, it's like every song that comes up is my new favorite song for the moment. Over the next few days, I'll share with you as many as the songs as I can...

Here's some of the playlist:
Tuesday (4/27)
*Freedom Day!
*Hike to Lion's Head - Watched the sunset over the Indian ocean, and watched the city light up and be lit up by the Full Moon. The most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

*Exactly ONE month since I've arrived in Cape Town. My flight arrived at 4:30PM on March 27th, and we started the hike to Lion's head at 4:35PM on April 27th.

Wednesday (4/28)
*Freestyle Football World Final - Got the VERY last ticket available, and it was by pure chance because a group of us were told they were sold out. A guy, who already had one ticket, asked if anyone wanted to buy it. You know I jumped on that. The atmosphere was so much fun, and we were on TV for a few seconds!

Thursday (4/29)
*Community Development Resource CDRA - Awesome, awesome workshop

Friday (4/30)
*Meeting with Women's Health Unit Research Director, Di Cooper
*GAPA - the idaba
*Dinner at Colleen's house with her family and friends

Saturday (5/01)
*Train station - Met Thandi. She is an Athropology major who has been living in Obs. She's so sweet and welcoming.
*Gugulethu
*Minibus ride back - radio show with Harrison
*Stones/House Party/Clubbing on Long Street - crazy, ridiculous night full of good stories. One of my friends almost got in a fight because a random guy walked by and "violated" me. Very eventful night.

Sunday (5/02)
*Hillsong Church at City Centre - "Miracle May" sermon. Preacher talked about having faith that miracles will happen this month. Pretty good sermon.
*Beautiful walk to Waterfront - Met a nice man named Nole
*Spent the day at Waterfront - met my first Filipino here! Her name was Miriam, and we met while waiting to cross a bridge. She's an avid traveler who has gone all over the world.
*Minibus ride back - met a nice man named Shafiek, who was only supposed to take me to the terminal, but he took me all the way back to my home. The ride should have at least been R15, especially since it was out of his way, and he was done working, but he did it for R3.50. I waited in the car while he bought bread for his family--his wife and three daughters.

Monday (5/03)
*Drive to GAPA - Will and I had an awesome talk about God and Christianity. He shared with his story of how he came to be a driver.
*GAPA - Talked with Sylvia about our Christian faith. There were many highlights from this day! I put it my GAPA entry.
*Research class - Absolutely LOVE this class
*Decided to extend my stay in Cape Town until the end of July

Tuesday (5/04)
*Confirmed flight changes: June 13th --> July 29th
*GAPA

*House Meeting!

*Tiger, Tiger for Craig's 21st birthday

Wednesday (5/05)
*Xhosa class
*Stayed after class and had a long discussion with my Xhosa teacher about Xhosa culture and beliefs. Really interesting conversation.
*Post-dinner convo about cultures and "interventions". Pretty controversial, but a lot of good things to think about came up.
*World Cup Tickets to France v. Uruguay for June 11th - we finally managed to get our hands on some!
 

On Saturday, while getting ready, I put the iTunes setting on "shuffle" and before pressing play, I said in my head (yeah, I say things to myself in my head), "whatever song comes on will be the song for the day." And guess what song came up? "My World" by Avril Lavigne. The next song? "Live Your Life" by Rihanna. On Sunday morning, we sang a closing worship song after talking about faith and miracles happening in May. The chorus's main lyrics? "This is Your [God's] World."

My world is on shuffle, but God knows exactly what song is playing next. 

He gives me direction, and all I have to do is have faith and live life.

GAPA entries for 5/3 and 5/4

Monday, 3rd May 2010
9:15AM – 3:15PM

Today was a great day. It was random, but that’s what made it great. When I first came to GAPA two weeks ago, Vivienne and Althea told me that many unplanned things come up throughout the day, and you just learn to handle and adapt in the ever-changing schedules.

I arrived a little late, but Althea was not yet at GAPA. I started doing the “Photovoice” reading for the research class, which put simply, is a way of understanding the community and having the community documenting the reality of their lives and critically reflect on the factors that might oppress them. Two coincidences. One, last Friday, in my free time, Althea had me read an article featured in a women’s magazine about one of the grandmothers. The article was of a grandmother’s schedule in a normal day, which included waking up at five, heating water to bathe her grandchildren, taking care of her mentally disabled sons, etc. Two, over the weekend, Althea was reading a book about the method “Participatory Video,” which has essentially the same approaches and benefits as photovoice. I looked through her book and read through the ethics and limits of the method. Really interesting. I love how what I’m learning, combined with my interest of taking pictures and gathering stories was all combined in my work.
I met a man named “Conference” today. He lives down the street from GAPA, and he is absolutely brilliant and has actually had several of his writings published in the local newspaper. Conference came to the office and hands a huge sum of money to Althea. He wants her to keep it safe for him; Althea thought it would be better to open up a bank account for him. Later, Althea would share with me that many people in the community come to GAPA for help, and she likes doing it (“I try to help people when I can”).

We drove to the Khayelitsha mall after going to the Cape Town city hall, and it was extremely crowded. Yesterday was payday so people were withdrawing money because their paychecks are automatically put into their bank accounts. I also saw a sick young man, lying down in the middle of the walkway. People just walked by and/or stared; no one knew what to do. Penny, one of the GAPA employees who was there with us, shared she saw someone a few days in the same position in her neighborhood, and she had no idea what to do. This reminds me of what Jarred, a Stanford student here on a fellowship, told me about the emergency response system in the townships. It takes an average of 3-4 hours for an ambulance to arrive, and in that time, the person has either already passed away or is in a much more critical condition. He is working to educate people within the community to be able to respond before ambulances arrive. Also, when I was in Gugulethu, another township, while I was talking back from the liquor store, I saw a man being carried out of a house by three people. What’s going on, I asked. “Alcohol poisoning.” That reminds me of…I could go on and on about stories I’ve heard while being here or things I’ve witnessed relating to health, inequalities, and interventions in South Africa…

While waiting at the bank, Conference showed us his notebook which contained hundreds of unorganized phrases. He read some to us, and though they were not organized; they were lovely to listen to. Toothless and smacking his lips, Conference shared with us one of his most recent entries: “I have things I want to do. Whatever I want to do, I follow through. No matter how hard it gets, I follow through. Come rain, come shine.” Like I said, lovely to listen to.

When I came back, I got a chance to talk to Sylvia, the grandmother who translated for me on Friday. We talked for a while, and I shared with her the video I taped last Friday of the grandmothers singing and dancing to one of the songs. It was my favorite one they were singing, and she translated it for me: “O Lord, keep us safe. Hold me in your hand. Keep us safe from the Devil. You’re the only one who can keep us through.” Sylvia and I continued to talk about our Christian faith, and our faiths in God providing us all we need.

Afterwards, I started doing my work. I typed out the lyrics to Xhosa lullabies that were sung by the grandmothers for their children. Xhosa is so pretty when song. The grandmothers translated for me, and I learned how to say baboon in Xhosa! “Imfene.” Afterwards, Althea and I met afterwards and talked for a long time about work that needed to be done in the net few weeks for the documentation project and the health club. I’m really looking forward to all the work that we’re doing, especially that it relates so much to what I’m learning in my service-learning and research classes that it’s almost creepy, i.e. documentation, research methods, public health interventions, surveys, cultural humility, etc.

One thing I am anxious about however is all that has to be (or should be) accomplished in the next few weeks. Every day (especially in social sector work), challenges and unexpected situations come up that need to be addressed. Inevitably, in handling these oftentimes-difficult situations—whether they may be bureaucratic decision-making, filling out paperwork, or someone from the community needing to be taken the mall to open up a bank account—organizational tasks get pushed to the side, and things get delayed. “You have to learn how to handle with whatever comes up because you never know what’ll come up when you arrive in GAPA,” Althea told me as we were leaving Khayelitsha mall. Deadlines do not necessarily change with the unexpected and unforeseen needs and situations, which results in more stress for the women at GAPA. Plans and project implementations get delayed.

Hopefully we will be able to carry out some of the plans, especially that Althea has given me specific tasks she wants me to do in the next few weeks, i.e. lead a discussion about health tomorrow at the health club to gauge their understanding of “health” and their perceived needs. This is the plan for tomorrow, early afternoon, but we’ll see what happens. To be honest I’m pretty excited about this, because this is exactly the type of stuff we’ll be talking about in research class this week. How to structure health interventions with the community by getting the community members to critically reflect and analyze their own situations.
Regardless though, if tomorrow’s agenda follows through or foils, I hope I can just be of service and learn in whatever situations arise. “Come rain, come shine.”

Tuesday, 4th May 2010
12:15PM – 4:00PM

Today I got to meet Kathleen, the original founder of GAPA. She is an elderly, white South African, who actually was the madam for the mother of Vivienne, GAPA’s current director. The perfect way to describe Kathleen is this: think of a basketball coach. Replace the young, athletic coach with an elderly woman. And instead of coaching players; she’s coaching women working in the non-profit sector. Tough love. She’s real and says it the ways it is. Her words may sound harsh, but she’s careful about her words and she knows it’s what the listener needs to hear. She’s strong and passionate, and listening to her talk to Vivienne and Althea, I was inspired by her words. She reminded all of us of the values GAPA was founded on.

Their meeting was mainly about the inter-group conflict that exploded the previous week. She was giving her opinions and thoughts about the situation, and also critiqued GAPA’s current work. Kathleen talked about what she saw as potential problems and how to handle different problems, emphasizing that we all come from very different backgrounds, cultures,  and ways of understanding. I wrote down some of what she was saying…Isolated, they may not sound that profound, but hearing her and knowing the context of the situation, her words were just what I needed to hear. They gave me a different perspective on the situation, on the grandmothers, etc.

On what action should be taken to resolve the inter-group conflict
    •    “My ‘fair,’ what your ‘fair’ is, and what ‘fair’ is for a grandmother living in poverty her whole life – our ‘fair’s’ are not the same; they’re different.”

On sharing profits with the group v. keeping profits earned by an individual
    •    “[Making them share their profits] is what created the system. Knocking them down once one person starts advancing.”

On what Althea and Vivienne should be (not) doing
    •    “They are adults, [you] can’t work it out for them. Sort it out among yourselves [the grandmothers].”

On some of the personal hardships of working in GAPA
    •    “[The grandmothers] they’re bullies. But they’ve gone through a lot. Take off your hat for them and I always do that for them.”

Althea expressed what many people in her work oftentimes feel—even I’ve felt this way. She was telling Kathleen how sometime she wonders if she’s making a difference because she’s not from the Xhosa culture, she doesn’t know the language…before Althea could finish, Kathleen cut her off:
    •    “Don’t worry about that!...Show them the way, give them a gentle nudge. But you can’t do it for them…can’t be all things for all people.” You do what you can, but in the end, it’s their decisions, Kathleen was essentially saying.

I felt pretty pumped listening to Kathleen. Especially with yesterday’s reminder that things can’t always go to plan and how progress seems to be slow-moving and inefficient, her words could not have come in a better time. Yes, the “planned” agenda of me facilitating a discussion on health today did not happen, but I’m learning to adapt with the situations.

Later, Althea had me go through the health indemnity forms that were filled out by the health club members this morning. I did a lot of data input on Excel and looked for trends. As boring and tedious as it may sound, I was actually really enjoyed doing it for a number of reasons. One is that I now have a better understanding of the health profiles of the women with whom I’ll be working. This is only a technical assessment of their health; hopefully with a discussion I’ll have a social assessment. Eventually however I will have a better idea of creative ways and solutions of addressing their different health needs.

One of the directors of the Clothing Bank came and talked to the grandmothers. Though I was not in the meeting, I can overhear most of what was being said. Imagine what it’s like getting females with dominant, strong personalities and opinions all together in a room discussing a topic such as money. It was apparent that everyone—the grandmothers, the GAPA directors, and the Clothing Bank, all had different assumptions and agendas for the partnership. The conversation was intense, but it was open and honest. Everyone listened and attempted to understand where the other was coming from.