the countdown begins.
when do you leave Cape Town?
10 days.
yes, 10 days. my friends tells me to stop counting, but is it possible?
everyday i have to look at what the date is, and automatically, without even trying, i know the amount of days i have left remaining in Cape Town. it's inescapable, because once i remember, that means i know. forgetting time is great, but once i remember the time; i just started counting again. so really, i can't help it. and believe me when i say it, i just can't help it.
everyday i'm reminded of my leaving South Africa. so many raised eyes with so many open-ended questions asking me to be open with my answers.
what do you think of South Africa? how do you find Cape Town? do you think you'll come back? do you miss home? will you miss it here? how do you feel?
love it. great. definitely. of course. no doubt. mixed. --- those are my short-answers, and in that order.
i hate those kind of questions. don't get me wrong; i ask those same questions from time-to-time. they're the inevitable questions that are asked upon circumstances such as these, leaving a temporary "home" only to return to the mainland from which you came.
they're open-ended questions, but are they really? i get the feeling that people expect a simple, easy answer to a complex, compacted question. there's an unwritten script i'm expected to follow. no more and no less. but i rather answer their questions by posing my own:
where do i even begin? how do i even begin? do you even really care to know what i mean by saying that i "love it" or that "it's awesome"? what else do you expect me to say?
and then there's the questions i ask myself in passing times as these:
how do i make the most of my day? what should i do? where should i go? will this be my last time being [insert name of place here]? should i spend this money? do i even have the money? should i say bye now? will i be able to do this again?
i hate those kind of questions. because i feel like so much of what i do (or contemplate doing) has to be carefully weighed. i'm trying to make the most of my time, but in the process, do i waste time?
the questions mentioned already don't bother me as much as
those questions that will be asked when i return to sunny California:
how was South Africa? what did you do? how was the World Cup? do you miss it? how do you like being back? do you think you'll go back?
for these questions, i really worry about where and how i'll begin. i'm still trying to find the right way to describe it to myself, how much more to someone else? i worry that i'll simplify my answer to the so-called "open-ended questions" with short answers. "absolutely amazing."
i fear what is called the "chameleon effect." i won't go into detail what it means, but in this context, i fear that i won't really be understood when i get back from "being abroad."
part of me wants to be asked what is meant behind that short answer "absolutely amazing," yet there's a part of me that doesn't want to explain everything behind it. there's so much i can say….
they say that "a picture tells a thousand words" and i've taken hundreds upon hundreds of pictures. on top of that, i've written pages and pages in my journal entries. additionally, i wrote multiple essays and posted blogs. beyond the pictures and the texts, i have memories. stored memories, unforgettable and unable to capture through photos or written words. not even just written words, but spoken words…
why am i sharing this with you? no more questions, please. i don't know. maybe you're hoping for some cheesy statement or some witty pun, but i got nothing except these thoughts right
now.
now,
now.
that's all the kind of counting i'm doing these days.
so just let me be.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Where were you when...
the South Africa FIFA World Cup 2010 (arguably the best World Cup the planet has seen) was going on?
The other day I randomly came across a book titled "Where were you when…?" and I stood there for a long time, going through each year since 1988, reading about the single event that marked the history of the year.
I feel blessed that I can say that I was here in South Africa, the place of the world's largest event that took place from June 11-July 11.
I stayed in Cape Town for other reasons than the World Cup, but it's not to say that a huge chunk of my life these last few weeks were structured around the greatest sports' tournament. Keeping up with the scores, the games, the upsets; reading the summary reviews, interviews, what/who to look for in this next match; what to do after work; where to go to watch the matches…
It's the day after the World Cup, and for the last few days it's been pressed in my mind the question of what would happen after it's over. It's a vague, extremely general question. The answer is complex and can't be really answered. But it is interesting to be here in this time, to physically be part of the experience that I can't help but ponder and ask myself this question. To be honest, I'm anxious, excited...emotional about the World Cup coming to a close.
The morning after Spain won their first ever World Cup title, I took some time to read a few articles about the World Cup, two of which I want to share…
1) The first is titled "South Africa titled with emptiness to fill." It talks about the sadness that South Africa will consequently have following the final match. Being here since March, I could not help but feel sad and nostalgic as well. I, as the writer mentioned in his article, "dreaded" this time in a way. And last night, when Spain won, and all was said and done, i looked around thinking, "Wow, I'm going to seriously miss this…" I'll miss the atmosphere, the random vuvuzelas, the waving flags, the cheers, the nationalism, the conversations with people from all over the world about the recent matches and who's supporting who…I'll miss it a lot, and it's so crazy to me to think that first the World Cup in Africa has closed its curtain--was it not just yesterday that we were excited about the games starting? I am not from South African, yet I definitely feel the quiet sadness in the air. I have a "football shaped hole" in my heart that no experience can ever replace.
http://soccernet.espn.go.com/world-cup/columns/story?id=807915&cc=3888&ver=global
2) The second article gives the high's and low's of the World Cup, according to Soccernet's finest writers. To be able to read their opinions and think "Oh yeah, that was awesome/crazy, etc" or "I remember that, it sucked, and I was pissed/sad/devastated, etc." But in addition to remembering that moment in a match, I am able to recall where I was when…Bradley scored that goal to tie the US with Slovenia or when Suárez hand-blocked that goal or…I read a lot of the writers' highs and lows of the tournament, and I have a clear image of where I was, who I was with, etc. If you didn't already know, I'm basically attached to my camera. I have taken hundreds of pictures and recorded many videos of crazy fanatic times that only come in moments of World Cup fever.
http://soccernet.espn.go.com/world-cup/columns/story?id=807390&cc=3888&ver=global
So as sad as I may be that the World Cup is over, I can also be extremely grateful for having been able to physically partake in the atmosphere, the energy, the vibrancy of South Africa (Africa's for that matter) when it hosted the best show in the world these last five weeks. Yes, I'll miss it, but thankfully, I can look back, smile, close my eyes, and if I want to, hear the vuvuzelas buzzing like music to my ears.
My high's and low's and where I was when...
High:
Low:
In my mind and with my senses, I can re-create the atmosphere that was really once-in-a-lifetime for me. Though I may attend a World Cup match in the future (and I hope to God that I do), it will not be the same, because unless the World Cup is in the Philippines (and I doubt that will ever happen as virtually no one in the Philippines plays the sport), I will not have the same connection with the place. I love South Africa, as it has been my home for the last three and half months. Yes, I may have a football-shaped hole in my heart, but that's just because the season of constant football has passed. But even when I leave South Africa, I will leave a part of my heart here. At the same time though, I will bring the heart and spirit of South Africa with me back to the U.S. and wherever I go.
Words to describe the World Cup? unforgettable and incredible.
Words to describe being in South Africa? unfathomable and indescribable.
Where was I when….
the South Africa FIFA World Cup 2010 was going on?
I was home.
I was in South Africa.
The other day I randomly came across a book titled "Where were you when…?" and I stood there for a long time, going through each year since 1988, reading about the single event that marked the history of the year.
I feel blessed that I can say that I was here in South Africa, the place of the world's largest event that took place from June 11-July 11.
I stayed in Cape Town for other reasons than the World Cup, but it's not to say that a huge chunk of my life these last few weeks were structured around the greatest sports' tournament. Keeping up with the scores, the games, the upsets; reading the summary reviews, interviews, what/who to look for in this next match; what to do after work; where to go to watch the matches…
It's the day after the World Cup, and for the last few days it's been pressed in my mind the question of what would happen after it's over. It's a vague, extremely general question. The answer is complex and can't be really answered. But it is interesting to be here in this time, to physically be part of the experience that I can't help but ponder and ask myself this question. To be honest, I'm anxious, excited...emotional about the World Cup coming to a close.
The morning after Spain won their first ever World Cup title, I took some time to read a few articles about the World Cup, two of which I want to share…
1) The first is titled "South Africa titled with emptiness to fill." It talks about the sadness that South Africa will consequently have following the final match. Being here since March, I could not help but feel sad and nostalgic as well. I, as the writer mentioned in his article, "dreaded" this time in a way. And last night, when Spain won, and all was said and done, i looked around thinking, "Wow, I'm going to seriously miss this…" I'll miss the atmosphere, the random vuvuzelas, the waving flags, the cheers, the nationalism, the conversations with people from all over the world about the recent matches and who's supporting who…I'll miss it a lot, and it's so crazy to me to think that first the World Cup in Africa has closed its curtain--was it not just yesterday that we were excited about the games starting? I am not from South African, yet I definitely feel the quiet sadness in the air. I have a "football shaped hole" in my heart that no experience can ever replace.
http://soccernet.espn.go.com/world-cup/columns/story?id=807915&cc=3888&ver=global
2) The second article gives the high's and low's of the World Cup, according to Soccernet's finest writers. To be able to read their opinions and think "Oh yeah, that was awesome/crazy, etc" or "I remember that, it sucked, and I was pissed/sad/devastated, etc." But in addition to remembering that moment in a match, I am able to recall where I was when…Bradley scored that goal to tie the US with Slovenia or when Suárez hand-blocked that goal or…I read a lot of the writers' highs and lows of the tournament, and I have a clear image of where I was, who I was with, etc. If you didn't already know, I'm basically attached to my camera. I have taken hundreds of pictures and recorded many videos of crazy fanatic times that only come in moments of World Cup fever.
http://soccernet.espn.go.com/world-cup/columns/story?id=807390&cc=3888&ver=global
So as sad as I may be that the World Cup is over, I can also be extremely grateful for having been able to physically partake in the atmosphere, the energy, the vibrancy of South Africa (Africa's for that matter) when it hosted the best show in the world these last five weeks. Yes, I'll miss it, but thankfully, I can look back, smile, close my eyes, and if I want to, hear the vuvuzelas buzzing like music to my ears.
My high's and low's and where I was when...
High:
- Starting a dance party in a huge mass of people the middle of the Adderley street the night before the World Cup. There was a huge circle, and we all went in at least once. Every time someone went in, there was cheering and yelling. the best dancers were the ones from South Africa and Spain.
- South Africa scoring the first goal of the World Cup. Being in the packed FIFA FanFest Park in Cape Town. We went nuts. The following Fanwalk to the first match in Cape Town. Thousands of people running wild and cheering throughout the streets.
- When Landon Donovon scored the goal in the 92nd minute of the U.S. v Algeria game, meaning the U.S. would go on to the Round of 16. Watched this incredibly tense game in a bar in the middle of the city. It was packed full of Americans, and we all went crazy when Bradley scored.
Low:
- *France v. Uruguay match was uneventful and anti-climactic, after having done the first ever FanWalk and celebrating Bafana's first game just prior to the match
- *When the U.S. lost to Ghana. The game wasn't the best game the U.S. had played, and Ghana winning I considered to be another joyous victory. Yet, after the U.S. lost, I was pretty devastated. Sat on a table and didn't really talk for a while.
- *Ghana's lost to Uruguay in the quarter-finals. Was in the FIFA FanFest park among thousands of viewers, mostly South African. When the game ended, thousands walked out silently. Others stood there in silence of the shock was just happened. Devastating atmosphere.
In my mind and with my senses, I can re-create the atmosphere that was really once-in-a-lifetime for me. Though I may attend a World Cup match in the future (and I hope to God that I do), it will not be the same, because unless the World Cup is in the Philippines (and I doubt that will ever happen as virtually no one in the Philippines plays the sport), I will not have the same connection with the place. I love South Africa, as it has been my home for the last three and half months. Yes, I may have a football-shaped hole in my heart, but that's just because the season of constant football has passed. But even when I leave South Africa, I will leave a part of my heart here. At the same time though, I will bring the heart and spirit of South Africa with me back to the U.S. and wherever I go.
Words to describe the World Cup? unforgettable and incredible.
Words to describe being in South Africa? unfathomable and indescribable.
Where was I when….
the South Africa FIFA World Cup 2010 was going on?
I was home.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Open about my Happiness
7:03pmSteve
been reading your blog
seems like you are getting personal on your blog
7:05pmMe
lol
yeah TOO personal, which is why i wrote that last one
to say that the things i write about are almost too personal for the public eye
7:05pmSteve
i know and very emotional too
7:05pmMe
and that's why i rather call people lol
7:05pmSteve
hahahahaha
7:06pmMe
i journal a lot more...and i take my journal with me wherever i go.
7:06pmSteve
thats good
7:06pmMe
i already finished my first one almost three weeks ago..and i'm almost a fourth of the way done with my second journal.
it's really nice to be able to look back at what my thoughts were
7:07pmSteve
wow, a lot of pouring in your journal, huh?
7:07pmMe
and write about the funny things or write about the lessons i learn each day, from small lessons to big lessons
to things that people say or things that i randomly hear or see when i go places.
7:07pmSteve
thats good. mom says hi and she misses you a lot and cant wait till you get home
7:08pmMe
yeah..i've found that the more i take time to reflect on my days, the more i get out of my day
and i can honestly say that every day has so much more meaning
7:08pmSteve
wow
7:08pmMe
and i appreciate everything that happens...and i'm so appreciative of even the smallest things
7:08pmSteve
you are getting old sweetie
7:08pmMe
i think that's why i've been soo happy here.
7:08pmSteve
thats good
7:09pmMe
getting old but still feeling young ;)
7:09pmSteve
do the same thing wherever you are and you will have a happy and fulfilling life
7:09pmMe
like the Bible verse in Philippians..
"i have learned the secret of being happy at any time, in any circumstance."
and really--as corny as it sounds, i' have so much joy and feel like i learn so much here.
not even just here in cape town
it just happens to be that i had the time to learn this kind of lesson..
7:10pmSteve
wow, so the trip to south africa uncovered the secret of how to be content
7:10pmMe
but i know it'll be something that i make sure i take time to do when i go back to the US
everyone knows the secret of how to be content.
it's more of taking the time to appreciate everything that happens.
7:11pmSteve
in theory, but to practice is something different
7:11pmMe
finding novelty in every experience, in every person new and old, in every ride, in every conversation, etc.
i find joy and love in the constant discovery and rediscovery
:)
i'm so corny. and batit! (is that the right spelling?)
haha
but it's true
7:12pmSteve
whats batit?
well, we are glad for you sweetie
7:13pmMe
even in every challenge. it's great to look back at what i wrote from that day...and be reminded of what resulted..
and what i learned..
and why i think God did that in my life
7:13pmSteve
thats good
7:14pmMe
i've been journaling since i was little..and even today, i took the time to read a journal entry from that summer i spent at Stanford and hating chemistry
and not knowing why God put me through that
7:14pmSteve
really
7:14pmMe
i think i know one of the reasons now..(i figured this out a while ago but i don’t think i ever told you) lol
7:14pmSteve
what is that
7:15pmMe
because after that experience, i wanted nothing more than to make sure i NEVER EVER would do summer school again. lol
7:15pmSteve
hahahahahahaha
7:15pmMe
therefore, i would take heavier courseloads so that i could do something else over the summer
and LOOK--the philippines and south africa 2 consecutive summers :)
and LOOK - i didn't get that UNAIDS internship i wanted SOOO badly remember how devastated i was?
7:16pmSteve
thats true and both experiences have been rewarding
7:16pmMe
i kept saying that it was the "perfect internship" and i even volunteered to work for free lol
but i knew God had something else planned for me..
7:16pmSteve
i know, God knows what is best for you if you only trust
7:17pmMe
yeahh. i'm just so thankful
and God is teaching me so much
7:17pmSteve
you now are learning looking at things thru other perspective
7:18pmMe
lol that's true for everyone, at any time.
i'm just more aware of the "new" perspective if that makes sense.
every time we name our world, we give words and descriptions to the same thing.
7:18pmSteve
i know but sometimes we get so caught up with our very own perspective
7:18pmMe
it's just that we're using different words, and in doing that, we're actually re-defining who we are
we use different words to tell the same story. ultimately we are re-naming ourselves.
7:19pmSteve
thats true
so it is always good to listen and listen with an open mind
7:20pmMe
it's not that it's a different story; it's that we're a different person
YES :)
of course.
7:21pmMe
which is why i knew that "open happiness" was the perfect song for my south africa experience
7:21pmSteve
i am so glad for you sweetie
7:22pmMe
have you listened to that song before? or read the lyrics? i write about it on the right side of my blog...
thanks dad :) and thank you both for being so supportive of me staying here and being here..even without financial aid
7:22pmSteve
i read that one but i have never heard that song
...
you are very much welcome sweetie
7:23pmMe
if you click on my link on my blog, it'll take you to the YouTube video
7:23pmSteve
whatever we can do to support our kids, we gladly would do it
i see
i will do that sometime
7:24pmMe
:)
the song is about being open to new experiences with each new day
and being willing to experience and feel something new
7:24pmSteve
how appropriate
7:25pmMe
and learning that it's having that kind of mindset to being happy
thus the song is called "open happiness" although it's the coca-cola theme song. and it's first interpretation is primarily meant for being happy as a result of opening up a bottle of coca-cola
haha
BUT i like my interpretation better :)
AND...it's ALL OVER south africa's world cup advertisements.."open happiness" haha
7:26pmSteve
so even he bottle of coke can have profound meaning, wow
7:26pmMe
so it's literally a CONSTANT reminder which i love
7:27pmSteve
i should stock up of coke at home, lol
7:27pmMe
my friend sent me the song a day before i left stanford, and immediately it became my theme song for cape town
not just on the coke bottles...all the commericals and billboards and posters say "open happiness" haha
7:28pmSteve
well, it could be interpreted in so many ways, but i am glad your interpretation is deeper
...
and full of life application
been reading your blog
seems like you are getting personal on your blog
7:05pmMe
lol
yeah TOO personal, which is why i wrote that last one
to say that the things i write about are almost too personal for the public eye
7:05pmSteve
i know and very emotional too
7:05pmMe
and that's why i rather call people lol
7:05pmSteve
hahahahaha
7:06pmMe
i journal a lot more...and i take my journal with me wherever i go.
7:06pmSteve
thats good
7:06pmMe
i already finished my first one almost three weeks ago..and i'm almost a fourth of the way done with my second journal.
it's really nice to be able to look back at what my thoughts were
7:07pmSteve
wow, a lot of pouring in your journal, huh?
7:07pmMe
and write about the funny things or write about the lessons i learn each day, from small lessons to big lessons
to things that people say or things that i randomly hear or see when i go places.
7:07pmSteve
thats good. mom says hi and she misses you a lot and cant wait till you get home
7:08pmMe
yeah..i've found that the more i take time to reflect on my days, the more i get out of my day
and i can honestly say that every day has so much more meaning
7:08pmSteve
wow
7:08pmMe
and i appreciate everything that happens...and i'm so appreciative of even the smallest things
7:08pmSteve
you are getting old sweetie
7:08pmMe
i think that's why i've been soo happy here.
7:08pmSteve
thats good
7:09pmMe
getting old but still feeling young ;)
7:09pmSteve
do the same thing wherever you are and you will have a happy and fulfilling life
7:09pmMe
like the Bible verse in Philippians..
"i have learned the secret of being happy at any time, in any circumstance."
and really--as corny as it sounds, i' have so much joy and feel like i learn so much here.
not even just here in cape town
it just happens to be that i had the time to learn this kind of lesson..
7:10pmSteve
wow, so the trip to south africa uncovered the secret of how to be content
7:10pmMe
but i know it'll be something that i make sure i take time to do when i go back to the US
everyone knows the secret of how to be content.
it's more of taking the time to appreciate everything that happens.
7:11pmSteve
in theory, but to practice is something different
7:11pmMe
finding novelty in every experience, in every person new and old, in every ride, in every conversation, etc.
i find joy and love in the constant discovery and rediscovery
:)
i'm so corny. and batit! (is that the right spelling?)
haha
but it's true
7:12pmSteve
whats batit?
well, we are glad for you sweetie
7:13pmMe
even in every challenge. it's great to look back at what i wrote from that day...and be reminded of what resulted..
and what i learned..
and why i think God did that in my life
7:13pmSteve
thats good
7:14pmMe
i've been journaling since i was little..and even today, i took the time to read a journal entry from that summer i spent at Stanford and hating chemistry
and not knowing why God put me through that
7:14pmSteve
really
7:14pmMe
i think i know one of the reasons now..(i figured this out a while ago but i don’t think i ever told you) lol
7:14pmSteve
what is that
7:15pmMe
because after that experience, i wanted nothing more than to make sure i NEVER EVER would do summer school again. lol
7:15pmSteve
hahahahahahaha
7:15pmMe
therefore, i would take heavier courseloads so that i could do something else over the summer
and LOOK--the philippines and south africa 2 consecutive summers :)
and LOOK - i didn't get that UNAIDS internship i wanted SOOO badly remember how devastated i was?
7:16pmSteve
thats true and both experiences have been rewarding
7:16pmMe
i kept saying that it was the "perfect internship" and i even volunteered to work for free lol
but i knew God had something else planned for me..
7:16pmSteve
i know, God knows what is best for you if you only trust
7:17pmMe
yeahh. i'm just so thankful
and God is teaching me so much
7:17pmSteve
you now are learning looking at things thru other perspective
7:18pmMe
lol that's true for everyone, at any time.
i'm just more aware of the "new" perspective if that makes sense.
every time we name our world, we give words and descriptions to the same thing.
7:18pmSteve
i know but sometimes we get so caught up with our very own perspective
7:18pmMe
it's just that we're using different words, and in doing that, we're actually re-defining who we are
we use different words to tell the same story. ultimately we are re-naming ourselves.
7:19pmSteve
thats true
so it is always good to listen and listen with an open mind
7:20pmMe
it's not that it's a different story; it's that we're a different person
YES :)
of course.
7:21pmMe
which is why i knew that "open happiness" was the perfect song for my south africa experience
7:21pmSteve
i am so glad for you sweetie
7:22pmMe
have you listened to that song before? or read the lyrics? i write about it on the right side of my blog...
thanks dad :) and thank you both for being so supportive of me staying here and being here..even without financial aid
7:22pmSteve
i read that one but i have never heard that song
...
you are very much welcome sweetie
7:23pmMe
if you click on my link on my blog, it'll take you to the YouTube video
7:23pmSteve
whatever we can do to support our kids, we gladly would do it
i see
i will do that sometime
7:24pmMe
:)
the song is about being open to new experiences with each new day
and being willing to experience and feel something new
7:24pmSteve
how appropriate
7:25pmMe
and learning that it's having that kind of mindset to being happy
thus the song is called "open happiness" although it's the coca-cola theme song. and it's first interpretation is primarily meant for being happy as a result of opening up a bottle of coca-cola
haha
BUT i like my interpretation better :)
AND...it's ALL OVER south africa's world cup advertisements.."open happiness" haha
7:26pmSteve
so even he bottle of coke can have profound meaning, wow
7:26pmMe
so it's literally a CONSTANT reminder which i love
7:27pmSteve
i should stock up of coke at home, lol
7:27pmMe
my friend sent me the song a day before i left stanford, and immediately it became my theme song for cape town
not just on the coke bottles...all the commericals and billboards and posters say "open happiness" haha
7:28pmSteve
well, it could be interpreted in so many ways, but i am glad your interpretation is deeper
...
and full of life application
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Hello Dear.
Dear Blog,
Sorry I don't write to you that frequently anymore. To be honest, I've drifted from you because I rather be with my Journal. It's not that I'm not having fun times and experiences to share with you, because God knows and you do too, how much I can talk and talk and talk…
There are a lot of reasons for this drifting away and shifting to my Journal. I finished my first Journal only 2 weeks ago (seems like ages ago), and it was so exciting. I moved on from the Leopard and the Blue to the view of Table Mountain and the Red.
I'll admit it; I used you. I wrote to you frequently to share of my learning experiences, but always as a way of not forgetting what I'm experiencing and what I'm learning. Besides the weather and the people moving in and out of my life constantly, I have changed…Don't get me wrong, I'm still learning a lot, but what I'm learning and how I'm learning these new lessons are so different these days.
It's so personal…not to say that what I was learning last quarter wasn't personal, but these lessons are personal in ways i can't even fully describe to myself or to others, in ways that I'm still trying to figure out. I'm learning things that are so personal to me that I wouldn't be comfortable to share it with you. These are learning lessons that are so incredibly personal to my belief system, my socialization, my challenges…
It's too personal…to share with you. For with different events happening here and on your side of the virtual world, I am learning lessons about relationships and how I fit into those relationships. Simply I can't share it with you because in a way, it involves you. I rather go one-on-one because things get inevitably lost in translation, in text. You well know what I am talking about. I rather talk to you personally, in a space that no one can hear. I rather talk to you on the phone (thank goodness Skype is unlimited in my phone calls to the virtual world). Skype allows me to connect to the virtual world. That side of the world doesn't seem so virtual when I can connect with it. Internet's been down, but thankfully, it's given me opportunities to be more interactive with my actual world.
Like I said earlier, I'm learning about relationships, people, and how I fit into this crazy world wide web of networks.
But even with Skype, sometimes it's just better to write to Journal…I'm sorry to say, but she's more real that you'll ever be. Recycled and blank, she's had her share of learning experiences for her young age but is still open to learning more. Her old pages show color and record stories, but her future pages are bright, curious, and full of wonder in its endless possibilities. I can write to an audience of one and fully express every single indescribable thought that crosses my mind.
I'll still write to you, though my future letters may not seem as deep or thoughtful as before (those words have been given to her or through the times I've connected one-on-one with you on Skype). I'll try though, on here. If you know me well enough, you know that I'm good at staying in touch with the world…probably more so now than ever.
I will tell you this--though I've drifted and shifted, I've been uplifted in ways that I am still trying to articulate to my actual world. Words found my way to you, and my seeming silence has ironically found my way back to you.
With love always,
Racquel Enad
Sorry I don't write to you that frequently anymore. To be honest, I've drifted from you because I rather be with my Journal. It's not that I'm not having fun times and experiences to share with you, because God knows and you do too, how much I can talk and talk and talk…
There are a lot of reasons for this drifting away and shifting to my Journal. I finished my first Journal only 2 weeks ago (seems like ages ago), and it was so exciting. I moved on from the Leopard and the Blue to the view of Table Mountain and the Red.
I'll admit it; I used you. I wrote to you frequently to share of my learning experiences, but always as a way of not forgetting what I'm experiencing and what I'm learning. Besides the weather and the people moving in and out of my life constantly, I have changed…Don't get me wrong, I'm still learning a lot, but what I'm learning and how I'm learning these new lessons are so different these days.
It's so personal…not to say that what I was learning last quarter wasn't personal, but these lessons are personal in ways i can't even fully describe to myself or to others, in ways that I'm still trying to figure out. I'm learning things that are so personal to me that I wouldn't be comfortable to share it with you. These are learning lessons that are so incredibly personal to my belief system, my socialization, my challenges…
It's too personal…to share with you. For with different events happening here and on your side of the virtual world, I am learning lessons about relationships and how I fit into those relationships. Simply I can't share it with you because in a way, it involves you. I rather go one-on-one because things get inevitably lost in translation, in text. You well know what I am talking about. I rather talk to you personally, in a space that no one can hear. I rather talk to you on the phone (thank goodness Skype is unlimited in my phone calls to the virtual world). Skype allows me to connect to the virtual world. That side of the world doesn't seem so virtual when I can connect with it. Internet's been down, but thankfully, it's given me opportunities to be more interactive with my actual world.
Like I said earlier, I'm learning about relationships, people, and how I fit into this crazy world wide web of networks.
But even with Skype, sometimes it's just better to write to Journal…I'm sorry to say, but she's more real that you'll ever be. Recycled and blank, she's had her share of learning experiences for her young age but is still open to learning more. Her old pages show color and record stories, but her future pages are bright, curious, and full of wonder in its endless possibilities. I can write to an audience of one and fully express every single indescribable thought that crosses my mind.
I'll still write to you, though my future letters may not seem as deep or thoughtful as before (those words have been given to her or through the times I've connected one-on-one with you on Skype). I'll try though, on here. If you know me well enough, you know that I'm good at staying in touch with the world…probably more so now than ever.
I will tell you this--though I've drifted and shifted, I've been uplifted in ways that I am still trying to articulate to my actual world. Words found my way to you, and my seeming silence has ironically found my way back to you.
With love always,
Racquel Enad
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